One-Shot Parody 2: The Voldies: A Dark Quiditch Adventure
by B.G. Potash
Summary: Voldemort gets his death eaters together to discuss dark matters: He has a new plan, a plan that will sure destroy Harry Potter once and for all, create a quidditch team. Voldemort, Bellatrix, Paco, and Paco #2 will be playing the ultimate game of quidditch with the-boy-that-lives. "More shrimp, please." - A One-Shot Harry Potter Parody. Enjoy.


_*All characters events, locations, and things, belonging to the Harry Potter world, are the sole ownership of J.K. Rowling. I am just borrowing them to write these stories of mine. Everything else, is my creation._

 _This is a one-shot comedy/parody. Hope you enjoy._

* * *

 **ONE-SHOT PARODY #2:**

 **THE VOLDIES: A DARK QUIDDITCH ADVENTURE**

By B.G. Potash

Voldemort stands at the head of a large table. A group of Death Eaters sit around, sipping margaritas and cocktail martinis, and eating shrimp cocktails.

Bellatrix is sitting next to Voldemort, her legs crossed, twirling her hair with her finger, smiling adoringly up at Voldemort.

"Everyone." Voldemort clears his throat. "Everyone, listen up, I have an important announcement. Pay attention or I'll kill you all!" he screams. Bella giggles and everyone quiets down.

"Okay thank you. Now since my evil plan to steal every left sock in Britain did not come out as planned, I have decided on a new evil tactic. Now we all know Harry Potter loves Quidditch."

"He does!" some obscure Death Eater, calls from the back of the room.

"Now, my new evil, twisted plan is—drum roll." A drum roll starts. "We take over Quidditch."

"Do we get to kill people?" Another obscure Death Eater, who Voldemort calls Paco, says.

"No, Paco, we form a team," he tells him, shaking his head. "The Voldies," he says with a bright, scary smile, raising his hands, like he's pointing out a large sign above him.

Bellatrix starts to clap, and giggles some more. "That's a great idea oh beautiful, ruggedly-handsome Master," she says.

"Oh, yeah… ah…that's the best idea so far, Master," Another Death Eater says.

"You said that about his last idea!" Bellatrix screams madly.

"Well, I think all his ideas are amazing and incredible. When ever there is a new one, it's always better than the old one. Always, always, always, always!"

"Yes, yes, calm down, Paco-Number-Two," says Voldemort, waving him away.

"Do we at least get to hurt someone this time, Master?" asks another Death Eater.

"Hey, hey, calm down there cowboy, all in due time," Voldemort says. "Now, you," he says, pointing at a Death Eater who is suckling on a shrimp.

The death eater's eyes widen, and he almost chokes on the shrimp. "Meee?" he sputters and starts coughing.

"Nooooo…. the pretty lady next to you," says Voldemort.

"You mean me?" says a young woman standing next to the shrimp eating, death eater.

"Uhu," says Voldemort, nodding.

"Oh. I'm actually here to cater," she says, as she places a new platter of lamb-cabobs in the middle of the table.

"Ohhh, right. Then can you bring more shrimp? They're delish, and some of us don't know how to share," Voldemort says, poignantly looking at the death eater who was eating the shrimp. The death eater lowers his head embarrassed.

"Now back to business," Voldemort says, turning to look at the death eater next to him. He points and squints "Paco number...ehhhhhh?"

"Three, Master," giggles, Bellatrix.

"Uh, yeah, I knew that," he scoffs. "Paco Number Three. I need you to do a search on Google, make sure no other team has the same name as ours."

"Can I kill them if they do, Master?" asks Paco Number Three.

"I suppose, but ask nicely first. You wouldn't believe what a couple of nice words can do. Besides the Galleons you can save on dry cleaning is worth the effort," he says, matter-of-factly. "Now, Paco Number—actually you look more like a Ross."

"That is my name. How perceptive you are, Master," says the death eater.

"Your name's Oliver, you brown-noser," someone calls out from somewhere in the room.

"Nah-uh, I'm totally Ross," he answer.

"Okay, Totally Ross." Voldemort snickers at his own joke.

"Oh, very funny, Master," says Totally Ross.

"I know, right? Anyhow, you send this letter to Harry Potter, telling him of my diabolical plan. He won't know what hit him," Voldemort laughs hysterically, everyone laughs with him. "Oh, but don't use the Snoopy postage stamps, those are collectible, use the ones with the birds."

"Very well, Master."

"Now, does everyone have their assignments?"

"Yes, Master," they all say in unison.

"What about me, beautiful, Adonis-looking, Master?" Bellatrix asks.

"You continue to look adoringly at me," Voldemort says.

"Done!" she calls out, and leans into her hands, and starts making googly eyes at Voldemort, as all the other death eaters in the room, leave to complete their assignments.


End file.
